Stick-A-Poker-In-Your-Eye Hilarious

Remember when Irksome and I broke up last summer, and I told you out there on the interwebs* about how he said he felt he had to because he just lacked the ability to be in a relationship and, lest I not believe what so many have used as a convenient excuse, then spent many exhausting hours convincing me of this fact, in detail, with pictures and a PowerPoint presentation or two? Well, either he's a shoo-in to Yale Drama, or he's done the fastest turnaround in the West, because he GOT MARRIED a few weeks ago. As in, less than six months after we broke up. And, obviously, not to me. And, as far as I know, not to anyone he'd ever dated before me. Also, the manner in which he chose to get married was one which he knew guaranteed I'd find out about it the second it happened. Really, isn't that just the funniest thing you ever heard? HYSTERICAL.

I did not know I was capable of this much disgust. I'm not even particularly sad, more just HOW DARE YOU lie to me so convincingly and then marry some trollop (who, reportedly is plain as a stick, and this is not even from people who have any knowledge that their description is going back to me) six months later? See, this is why the decision NOT to be friends with him after we broke up was the best one I ever made (except. then I wouldn't have this irritating question in the back of my mind about whether he got her pregnant or not - I could just ask. But then I'd have to punch him in the head when he gave me the answer. Regardless of what it is. And then there'd be all sorts of drama over how that's "assault" and, you know, "criminal," and that would be bad. So really, yes - best decision ever made.)

*Oops. I just checked my archives and realized that, shockingly, that was the one intimate personal detail I *hadn't* shared on this site. The short version of the story was that there was a very brief breakup in May, which I did write about, that lasted for about three days - the actual breakup wasn't until September, and apparently was just too exhausting to even think about writing about. Suffice to say, it was not fun.

Comments

[E. McPan]

Wait, how did you find out?!

[Baby Lawyer]

Weeeell -- without being too precise because HONESTLY, how many people could this have happened to! -- I practice in a very small community, and the person he chose to perform the ceremony was someone who is very close to my best friend at the firm, who of course had met I. while we were dating. Short of telling me himself, it was the best way to guarantee that I'd know within seconds of the ceremony ending.