Ouch. Just got back from a review of a brief I had written for a partner I greatly respect and would like to think highly of me. Now, in order to understand why I'm a little tender at the moment, one must understand that one of my vices is a great pride in my writing ability -- it's gotten me through every academic tight spot where I had nothing to say, or didn't study, or had no idea what I was supposed to say -- every time, my facility with words has gotten me "A"s and congratulations. I don't think anyone has sat me down and actually critiqued my writing since high school.
Which is why I cringed when I saw that my brief been completely marked up, not for legal mistakes, but for writing ones. Oddly enough, if it was legal mistakes, I could handle that just fine, but writing mistakes? No no no. But ok, I figured I'd be adult and look for constructive criticism by asking if there was anything in general about my writing that I could always be sure to watch for when writing for him -- at which point, he very carefully explained that "we don't write like we speak," etc. Oh god. I know that. He thinks that that's how I write? (OK, granted, that's how I write here, but trust me when I say that my briefs are nothing like this blog!) That's horrible. I nearly cried. Then remembered my resolution from last week to remember to act like a lawyer, and less like a girly-girl, more often, and just sat very quietly while I was reminded of basic writing principles that I thought I'd internalized years ago.
One interesting and fun discovery has come out of this, though: Apparently, as my embarassment couldn't come out in words or tears, it came out as a blush. I blushed! In my twenty-five years on this planet, I have never managed a blush once, and I always wanted to have one -- so, it's like a tiny blessing in a big disguise. BIG disguise. Still smarting a little. Going to go nurse wounds with chocolate.
(PS -- Yes, I know this critique would be much worse if I was at BIGLAW. However. I'm not. I'm here, and here is a much kind"ler"," gentler place, therefore by contrast, it feels as bad as an all-out tongue lashing, which I don't think they do around here. And please God, may I never find out if they do!)