I realize that, particularly based on this post itself as well as extensive evidentiary support from past posts, I may have to change the title of this blog to "Legal Bitching." Which makes me sad, because I never wanted to be one of those associates that goes "Oh my god, the partners are so mean, and the hours are so long, and the work is so hard, and my office isn't warm and fuzzy, and I'm POUTING!" -- but good lord, am I pouting. Not really because the partners are mean (although, seriously, guys, I promise I can sit at a lunch table and act like an adult -- just cause I'm a girl/an associate/young doesn't mean I don't have feelings... when you cut me, do I not bleed?) and the work is so incomprehensibly hard, but more because the partners are so busy and our caseload is so high and I haven't internalized either the general rules of civil litigation or State's body of law well enough to be able to toss off a summary judgment brief, four discovery-ish motions (see, I don't even really know all the things that can be discovery motions!), two Complaints and a subpoena for a deposition in an afternoon. I just can't. At least not without cutting tons of corners and throwing together the kind of work product which is passable but nothing to be proud of. If I wanted to do passable-but-pathetic, I'd be a plaintiff's lawyer (Just kidding, simmer down!). And, in particular, there's one person who just either doesn't understand that there are only limited hours in each day and, also, I'M NOT PSYCHIC and keeps asking me to do things or send things or call things that I have no prior knowledge on or haven't learned enough to do yet, and I keep trying to explain that I'm so overloaded that I just cannot write an opinion letter, an appellate brief, three summary judgment motions on rather difficult arguments, AND take three depositions, do two hearings, have umpty-hundred client-answering-interrogatory meetings and, oh, BREATHE, in one week. Or, I could, but then all my written work would have to be rewritten and I would refuse to sign it because it would be so bad I wouldn't want it going out over my signature. Really, I think we just need more lawyers. But more lawyers raises the problem of changing the general office atmosphere. For instance, if it was a guy my age, it could have gone to my law school while I was there -- ew, for a host of reasons I don't want to get into now -- or it could bond with the partners way quickly and then I wouldn't even have the excuse anymore that it was OK to be left out because I was the only associate, or worse, I'd get a crush on it. Or, if it was a girl my age, I would be unable to stop being wildly competitive with her and the combination of the rage and shame spiral would have me laid up for weeks.
I'm really just ranting now, aren't I? But, then, it's better than the alternative, which was throwing a Tyra-Banks-esque fit at the support staff, when really, none of this is their fault, they're just the poor things tasked with physically delivering each new assignment.
Seriously. Does smoking actually kill you? Because I feel it is the perfect solution to all the angst currently coursing through my not-very-big self. gah.