See, this is why I'm not in a "relationship." I forget that any ongoing endeavor needs, like, attention. It's also why I kill plants, refuse to reproduce and haven't gotten around to running that marathon yet -- and why I should probably shut down this blog -- that, and the omnipresent fear of discovery. Then again, other than sounding like a moronic teenaged twit half the time, I don't think I've committed any fireable offenses -- and let's not let that last clause be tempting the universe, thankyouverymuch!
Anyway. I excuse my absence on the grounds that, like a dutiful baby lawyer, I've been the requisite amount of excessively busy. I did, however, recently receive the horrifying news that I may no longer be the baby lawyer anymore -- there may be a new little one on the way. One of the partners just told me. I am not jazzed. Although apparently I should have been, as it was presented as glad tidings of great growth and opportunity to lord it over someone else. This is exactly like when I was three and my parents sat me down with big grins on their faces to tell me I had a baby sister on the way and it would be so much fun because I would have someone to play with all the time. I promptly threw a tantrum so long that apparently the only way they could calm me down was by telling me that I could name her anything I wanted. (No, I did not name her Doody-Head. I tried, though.) And even then, when my mom had to go to the hospital to have her (back in the pre-HMO days when you were not only allowed, but required, to stay at least three days after a birth), I had to be jollied along with daily presents. Somehow, I doubt the same kind of rules apply when one is no longer three. But I'm just as upset as I was back then. Hmph. It just doesn't seem fair.
Perhaps it could be a good thing? This I sincerely doubt, but one does never know, right? If I could convince the partners to shunt all the terrible trial prep work I hate onto the new baby so I could be free to take all the fun "real legal" work (i.e. appellate and anything else that doesn't involve as its primary goal the establishment of facts). But I suppose that wouldn't be fair to the new baby. And what if the partners like the new kid better than me? And what if I hate the new kid? What if he/she/it throws everything off and my happy little firm-idyll is no longer and then I'll have to look for a new job and the market still isn't great and I'd have to move and get to know a whole new set of co-workers and get a new secretary who just can't be as nice as mine and... I need to go breathe into a paper bag now.
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