Legal Mystenigmary

How To Not Piss Me Off: Tip #124

I do not ever again want to hear "stop being such a defense lawyer" or the like. It's offensive -- both inherently (um, hi, I am a defense lawyer, would you stop impunging my choice to my face, thanks) and in the context I usually hear it in, which is whenever some overly self-righteous plaintiff's attorney wants me to roll over, play dead and accede to every single one of their demands because their client is really hurt. really.

The Law of Opposites

I hate boys. Contrary little creatures, all of them. I have been waiting on tenterhooks to hear from Irksome (I think I posted a quick update on him recently, but in case I forgot -- we're -- well, a normal person would probably call it dating, but this word gives me the creepy-crawlies, so I'll just say "enjoying each other's company" on a slightly more formalized basis than previously, since sometime in Nov. -- given that we're both fairly terrible at the r-word stuff, it's been rather rocky but hope still springs eternal.) OK, maybe not tenterhooks, but still, it's been quite a few days and I'm getting a bit anxious, envisioning him at lunch/out to drinks/in bed with a fabulously gorgeous brilliant exotic girl in the faraway lands he's currently traipsing around. Which, I'll be the first to admit, is rather silly and implies a totally unconfirmed belief that he shouldn't be doing those things. But, still. I haven't heard a word since he left.

However, Boy B, someone I recently met through a mutual friend who has all the good "on paper" stuff but didn't really pique my interest, will not stop emailing and wanting to get together. OF COURSE! This would be the story of my life. It will not stop happening. Which makes me feel bad in several ways. First, I feel bad that I don't like these boys, because they are perfectly lovely people that other girls would likely be excited about, and what's wrong with me that I don't? Second, why is it these boys can see my fabulousness and Irksome can't? what's wrong with him? (I'm at least like 50% kidding here, people, I'm not that up myself). gah.

If only you could still challenge people to duels...

One of the drawbacks of being a fairly new attorney at a smallish and well-established firm is that everyone in the community is aware of your newness and that those in the community who are fuckwads can use that an excuse to vent all their pent-up rudeness and condescension they have to rein in around the more established members of the firm. Case in point: In a trifling little property damage matter of the sort typically filed and resolved in two months without any discovery necessary, I received interrogatories, demands for production of documents, and requests for admissions from the plaintiff's attorney. Quelle overkill! However, like a good little associate, I added it to my pile of "discovery to be completed," and on a day when I felt like doing "real" work would be the end of my hungover self, I answered all the tiny ridiculous questions. Part of the request for admissions wanted me to admit that attached were "true and accurate copies" of bills showing that this plaintiff "had no choice but to finance" (finance mind you, not just purchase, and with a nearly-usurious rate of interest) a brand-new luxury vehicle as a replacement for the six-year-old junker-clunker that had been totalled. Um, no. I neither admitted nor denied, on the basis that how the hell could I tell if a copy of an original I'd never seen or known about was accurate and there is no way that it is necessary to purchase a Benz to replace a Daewoo or whatever. In response, I received the most impressively condescending letter I've ever gotten, which rehashed State's discovery rules in painfully tiny words and intense "boy, you're a dummy" detail. It was basically like: "The Court Rules state that you have to tell me your position. A 'position' means..."

I am incensed. Not only is he asking me admit things he has no business expecting me to admit because it's improper and ridiculous, but he's acting as if he's the grand poo-ba of the Court Rules while doing it. grr. so I am even now composing a highly sarcastic letter to him, advising that while I am most grateful for the practice pointers, he's not getting any damn admissions out of me! Except in much more graceful language. It's subtle. I think. My only question is how do you know when it's OK to send such a thing and when it's not? I mean, I know it probably won't get me disbarred, but will it make me an asshole? How do you know what the acceptable boundaries here are? I suppose I could show it to a partner, but I'm afraid he would laugh at me or think I'm ridiculous. Hmm. Perhaps that's a sign I shouldn't send it. Any advice?